13 Unwritten Rules of Being Poor
If you grew up in financial distress or faced severe financial instability, everyday financial advice might not work. Likewise, those who have not experienced long periods without sufficient income may need to realize that things are often more expensive for poor people.
In addition to literally “paying the price” of being poor, there are also inequalities that poorer people face when compared to someone who has wealth, luxury, or a more significant income. Likewise, social expectations and prejudices exist, even when people don’t think they have any preconceptions about people living in some degree of poverty.
These unwritten rules of navigating life while being poor come directly from the experiences of those who have suffered financial disadvantages. I have had many of these experiences growing up and in adulthood due to economic instability throughout my childhood and life.
1. Avoiding Going to the Hospital Unless it’s Dire
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Going to see a doctor or the ER is a no-brainer for some people because receiving this type of care is accessible to them. This is especially true for those with insurance or the money to pay for their visits out of pocket.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for people without insurance or reliable income. Many people will skip out on going to the doctor, even when their condition is dire, due to feeling like it’s not “bad enough” to warrant paying for an ambulance or trip to the doctor. Some people have faced severe medical consequences due to avoiding seeking care when they really need it.
2. Having to Pay More in Fees & Penalties
Additional expenses are associated with insufficient money to pay for your needs. For example, furniture and clothes bought on layaway often incur extra fees. Being unable to pre-pay taxes or pay on time leads to additional penalties. This leads to short-term thinking with financial consequences.
If you can’t qualify to rent a home or apartment due to lack of income or previous evictions, you may have to pay extra to live in a motel or extended stay housing. In some situations, a person may be able to get a loan to help with an immediate need for cash, but that loan comes at a cost—and usually a high one.
3. Hiding Your Cash & Special Belongings
Many children and adults who grew up in financial instability got used to hiding any cash or special items they could acquire. For example, someone shared a story where they had bought the same item several times because someone in their family kept pawning it to make money.
Children will often be expected to give any money they get for their birthday or holidays to their parents. Items owned by children in poor households are usually “borrowed” or taken so they can be sold.
4. Keeping Aspirations to Yourself
It is not uncommon for a child from a low-income family to drop out of school to help take care of the other kids or even to work and help the family pay the bills. Any aspirations someone may have seem impossible or laughable, so they tend to keep their dreams to themselves.
Even if a child from a low-income family grows up and gets a good job or some semblance of stability, they often remain secretive about their dreams and goals. It seems more unachievable to them, but they don’t want to face disappointment if they can’t meet their goals.
5. Eating a Whole Lot of Expired Food
When I was young, we didn’t throw out food unless it was absolutely covered in mold or beyond edible. I have many memories of my parents removing visible mold from food and continuing to eat or serve it.
In addition to eating stale or expired food, we ate a lot of canned food and rarely, if ever, bought name-brand items. We frequently went to events or places like Costco for free samples, a standard way for people to spend a few hours when I was a kid.
6. Skipping Meals or Going Hungry
In addition to eating expired food, many people resort to soup kitchens or dumpster diving to feed themselves and their families. While society sees this as begging or even worse, people do what they must to not go hungry.
It would not be uncommon to skip a meal or for one child or parent to go hungry while the rest of the family ate in severe financial distress. Some families have no idea when they will eat again or where their next meal will come from.
7. Being Overly Concerned with Appearance
It may seem counter-intuitive to think that poor people are overly concerned with their appearance, but there’s a reason. When people know that you’re poor, they have a preconceived idea of you or label you as trashy.
Many people overcompensate for this concern by not letting their kids leave the house unless they’ve ensured they look acceptable to go out in public. Parents may spend extra money on certain clothing items or accessories to keep up appearances, even if they cannot afford them.
8. Filling Your Gas Tank Part Way
There are many purchases people cut back on when they don’t have a lot of money. Unfortunately, gas can’t be eliminated entirely if you must drive to work or take your kids to school.
Many people opt to buy only a few gallons of gas at a time, leading to running out of gas or rushing to the gas station at the last minute. However, people don’t want to run into a situation where they spend their last few dollars on gas when they need that money for food.
9. Helping Neighbors to Earn a Return Favor
Offering help to a neighbor sounds like a nice, neighborly thing to do. However, many people’s motives are based on hoping a neighbor who receives a favor will offer one in return.
For example, many parents would watch a neighbor’s kids in hopes that the neighbor would do the same for them in a pinch. While this is not inherently bad, many parents didn’t have the money to pay for childcare, repairs, etc., and would hope that they could rely on a kind favor.
10. Having Significant Extra Responsibilities as a Child
If you grew up poor, you probably did many more chores and had more responsibility than your peers. While teaching kids to help around the house isn’t uncommon, the amount of help expected in financially strained households was more than a kid should have to take on.
In many cases, the help expected from a kid would be limited to chores around the house. However, many children also grew up responsible for taking care of their siblings.
11. Being Uninvited from Social Gatherings
Being ostracized is a common experience for children and even adults who grew up without money. Sometimes, there was an expensive birthday party or event the kid couldn’t afford.
Other times, a child would be outright uninvited due to their financial status. This may result from another child or their parents not wanting to be associated with a poorer family. Likewise, missing out on school events that cost money, like field trips or traveling, was typical.
12. Experiencing Bullying Due to Financial Status
Many children are bullied due to their apparent lack of wealth. Whether it’s not having a popular brand of shoes or, in my case, having holes in my socks, other kids seem to learn from their parents that wealth and status are impressive and poor people are embarrassing.
When I was young, I had to be taught how to deal with bullies to avoid any escalation. I did not understand why other children would criticize me for things I had no control over. Sometimes, the bullying is blatant, and other times, it is more subtle. Ultimately, you get used to it when it becomes a more familiar experience.
13. Buying Things on Layaway
If you didn’t have the money to buy something outright, such as a piece of furniture, a new washer, or even a new toy, layaway was a common way to purchase something. While there are similar concepts now that are available online, such as Klarna, layaway was a bit different.
Layaway typically meant putting down a deposit, and the item would be held until you could pay it in full. In some cases, there was a fee or interest charge involved.
